yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
