I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
