the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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