you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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