oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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