If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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