dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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