Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
