she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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