do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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