Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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