so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize