I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
