Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
