Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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