cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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