Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
