i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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