Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
