so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
