I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
