Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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