I can't watch pbs sober anymore
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
