apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
