I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
