You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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