I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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