She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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