Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My pussy is not your playground.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize