you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Quick, to the slutcave!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
