matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
