Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
