Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
