good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
