I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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