We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize