are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
