I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
