omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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