Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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