my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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