I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize