I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
