i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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