her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
