all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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