If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
