why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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