Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
