They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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