There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
