I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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