I CAN MOONWALK!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
