I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
