So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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