I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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