My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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