i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
