Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You took a bar mat shot.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
