Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
