I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
