I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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