dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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