Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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