so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
