it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
