I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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