She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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