Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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