Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize