Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
