then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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