I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
