Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
