you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize