I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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