I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
