i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
