we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize