Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
