i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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