giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
