We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
