ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
