is your mom at the bar?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
