no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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