New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize