I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
