My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
