Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
