how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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