I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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