My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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