i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
high people should be assigned attendants
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
