Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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