my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
People with herpes should wear stickers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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