so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
