sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
