I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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