so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
