so that wasnt chicken after all
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize