i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
